2013 New England Patriots Thread

Buccaneers at Patriots

NFL Game Riffs proudly presents: "The Bradysitters Club," a young adult novel.

Brady pulled on his turtleneck sweater, combed his lovely chestnut hair and prepared for a busy day. All of the other babysitters, even Danny and Gronk, were too sick to work, so he would have to lead little Kenbrell and Dobbie all the way across town to face a team with a very good defense, an overmatched loudmouth of a coach and a quarterback situation so ugly even Claudia could not save it with a high-fashion makeover.

"The Jets?" asked precocious little Kenbrell. Brady corrected him: No, a different team with a very good defense, overmatched loudmouth of a coach, and a quarterback situation so ugly it could give Mallory nightmares. After 213 novels, the antagonists are bound to start looking alike.

Brady wanted to lead the little ones along the safest possible route: running down the middle of a wide field. But Mister McDaniels made his fortune by founding a chain of Montessori schools for the criminally insane, so he chose a much more difficult path, with lots of complicated routes that would tax Kenbrell and Dobbie's childlike skills. Oh well, Brady thought: He had signed an oath promising to be the best babysitter he could.

So he led the children according to Mister McDaniels' crazy plan. Dobbie kept falling down, running the wrong way and dropping things. Kenbrell would be on the verge of doing something mature and brilliant, then have an "oopsie" that reminded Brady just how young he was.

Brady and the youngsters were tired, mixed up and frustrated with one another by the time they reached their destination. But then Mean Mister Schiano showed up, dragging a squalling Joshie. "He overslept, he's off his schedule, and now I cannot do a darn thing with him," Mister Schiano growled. Brady wrinkled his nose at the harsh language. Joshie can be a brat, but Mister Schiano needs to take some responsibility, too, Brady thought. Nobody seems able to get along with him.

At the end of the day, Brady led Kenbrell and Dobbie safely to victory, even though Kenbrell was still confused and thought they had played the Jets. "I could have sworn that was Darrelle Revis chasing me," he said over ice cream. Brady smiled, knowing that a great babysitter can sometimes be more helpful to youngsters than an angry, disorganized parent.